Proverbs: Marriage, Blessing or Ball and Chain?

Listen along as we continue our series through Proverbs.

Notes//Quotes:

Prov 18:22 & 21:19 - Mike Reading
Title: Blessing Or Ball & Chain

“So where did this pessimism come from, and why is it so out of touch with reality? Paradoxically, it may be that the pessimism comes from a new kind of unrealistic idealism about marriage, born of a significant shift in our culture’s, understanding of the purpose of marriage. Legal scholar John Witte, Jr., says that the earlier "ideal of marriage as a permanent contractual union designed for the sake of mutual love, procreation, and protection, is slowly giving way to a new reality of marriage as a ‘terminal sexual contract’ designed for the gratification of the individual parties. Witte points out that in western civilizations there of been several competing views of what the “form and function” of marriage should be. The first two were in the Catholic and Protestant perspectives. Though different in many particulars, they both taught that the purpose of marriage was to create a framework for lifelong devotion and love between a husband and a wife. It was a solemn bond, designed to help each party subordinate individual impulses, and interests in favor of the relationship, to be a sacrament of God's love (the Catholic emphasis) and serve the common good the (Protestant Emphasis). Marriage created by bringing male and female into a binding partnership. In particular, lifelong marriage, was seen as creating, the only kind of social stability in which children could grow and thrive. The reason that society had a vested interest in the institution of marriage, was because children could not flourish as well in any other kind of environment. However, Witte explains that a new view of marriage emerged from the 18th and 19th century Enlightenment. Older cultures taught their members to find meaning in duty, by embracing their assigned social roles, and caring them out faithfully. During the Enlightenment, things begin to shift. The meaning of life came to be seen as the fruit of the freedom of the individual to choose the life that most fulfills him or her personally. Instead of finding meaning, through self denial, through giving up one's freedom, and binding oneself to the duties of marriage and family, marriage was redefined as finding emotional and sexual fulfillment and self actualization. Proponents of this new approach, did not see the essence of marriage as located in either its divine sacramental symbolism or as a social bond given to benefit the broader human commonwealth. Rather, marriage was seen as a contract between two parties for mutual individual growth and satisfaction. In this view, married persons married for themselves, not to fulfill responsibilities to God, or society. Parties should, therefore, be allowed to conduct their marriage in anyway they deemed beneficial to them, and no obligation to church, tradition, or broader community should be imposed on them. In short, the Enlightenment, privatized marriage, taking it out of the public sphere, and redefined its purpose as individual gratification, not any "broader, good" such as reflecting God’s nature, producing character, or raising children. Slowly, but surely, this newer understanding of the meaning of marriage has displaced the older ones in western culture. 
- Timothy Keller

“The sage, is writing from the perspective of the man. As one looks at a pig and sees only the gold ring, so is a man who is so enamored by a woman’s physical beauty that he does not recognize her lack of discretion. The sage is warning those who will listen that the beauty is not worth all the problems that a woman’s indiscretion will bring to him. Later, in the poem concerning the virtuous woman, the sage will affirm that what is really important is not charm or beauty, but rather a woman’s fear of Yahweh. “Beauty without wisdom is the height of incongruity.” 
- Tremper Longman

“Destructive to marriage is the self fulfillment ethic that assumes marriage and the family are primarily institutions of personal fulfillment, necessary for us to become "whole" and happy. The assumption is that there is someone right for us to marry, and then, if we look closely enough, we will find the right person. This moral assumption overlooks a crucial aspect to marriage. It fails to appreciate the fact that we always marry the wrong person. We never know whom we marry; we just think we do. Or even if we first, marry the right person, just give it a while, and he or she will change. For marriage, being (the enormous thing it is) means we are not the same person after we have entered it. The primary problem is… learning how to love and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married.”
- Stanley Hauerwas